Freaking Out

Husband is leaving in an hour. He will be returning in four days. FOUR DAYSS. I will be a single-parent for four days. I’m nervous. I’ve been without him with the baby before. All day. All day and part of the night. For several days when I went to Califonia. But in California I wasn’t alone. There was a myriad of relatives, including my mother, to hold tha baby, play with the baby ad for me to talk to.

Four days.

I’ve invited hos godmother over for one afternoon. We have plans to go to dinner with another friend. The baby-sitter is coming another day. The only days that yawns wide open is today. Husband and I have talked it through. He’s give helpful suggestons like breaking the days into chunks and whatnot, but I’m nervous. Yesterday the baby was fractious and out of sarts. Maybe a cold and maybe teething, either way unhappy and extra crying. Last night, he didn’t want boob he just cried like he was hurt for a while. Him being upset and me not knowing why hasn’t happened since he was pretty little. Normally I have the option of waking up the husband and having a sounding board or a commiserating partner or just back-up. For he next few days..It’s. Just. Me. Chilling. 3am? Just me. I can’t wake anyone up to ask what’s wrong with the baby. Or to hold him when I need to pee or just need a break.

Sure, I have friends, but no one wants a call at 3am to hear how my baby keeps crying. We have friends who live close, but are not super close in terms of emotions. Freinds who I’m super-close with, live too far away. T-30 minutes.

Maybe it’ll be great. Maybe the baby and I will super bond and he’ll be smiley and sleep great. Maybe being lonely will be the only issue. The baby is great, but he isn’t the conversationalist his father is. We shall see. A chunk at a time.


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