Bathroom Fun

Two stories. One is gross, both are slices of life.

Gross first.

It’s a poop story. I know parents always talk about poop, but I’m not one of them. My son poops. I’m glad, but it’s not my life.

Two days ago my husband was changing the baby. We cloth diaper, so now that he eats more solid foods, diaper changing takes more skill. The service that washed our diaper every week asks us to dump the solid poo into the toilet before putting the diaper in the hamper. This makes sense. It’s stinky and clumpy. It’s pretty easy to dump and I don’t have to touch poo. Done.

So. Husband is changing diaper. It’s a poo diaper. I offer to dump the poo. He says yes because really, who’s going to say no? I pick up the diaper. I’m squeezing behing my husband to simultaneously throw something away. Keep in mind the poo is clumpy and easy to let fall into the toilet. (You see where this is going?)

Husband warns, “Be careful…That poo is clumpy…” His voice going up into its higher range at the end of each sentence.

Me? I’m fancy free! Throwing stuff away, putting poo in the toilet, I got, no problem. Slap me five, I am supah cool! I might have moved my shoulders a bit in my mind. I’m about to reply to Husband that, “Duh! I got it! Stop worrying. It’s not like the poo’s gonna come out!”

Before i could get this sentence out, the poo falls out of the diaper I had tilted precariously over the floor. “Splat!!”

The poo is no longer clumpy. It is not flatter and sounds wetter than I would hope.

We both explode into laughter. Husband: I told you! I told you! *Snort* I knew that was gonna happen. I so saw that coming!

Me: *Out of breath from laughing so hard* I can’t…I can’t…I can’t believe that happened!

Husband: I hope you know I’m not cleaning that up.

Me: I know, I know. My bad.

I cleaned up the poo. It wasn’t as wet or as gross as I had feared.

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