TTC? Maybe Baby?

That was me two and a half years ago, Was I sure I wanted a kid? They cry. They poo. I’ve seen them on buses raising hell. I’ve had them in class talking back to me. Eh. Was I over it?

 

Shout-out to people who are thinking about having children. I want to share with them what no one told me. Not a secret, exactly, more of a mind-set that I didn’t know you needed. I really wanted kids and understood they would take sacrifice. I thought it meant buying a kid new shoes instead of myself. And it does mean that. (Boy does it. My kid outgrows shoes like nobody’s business.)

 

But it also means re-arranging your priorities and options. Last night I needed to do work. I had work for my job and for two classes I am taking. Two years ago it would have been a pain, but I could have done it pretty easily. Yes, I would have procrastinated, but eventually I would have done it. With a toddler?

Such a different story. He is looking at me. He is smiling. I am pleading with him to go to sleep and he is cracking up. He figures it’s some kind of game because I am Mommy and I am always coming up with awesome games. I keep replaying in my mind all the work I have to do and how long it will take me. But he’s looking at me. He has 8 teeth and is smiling and looking at me. But I have to work. And yet there he is in his black, made in New York onesie. His curly head is nodding wildly.

 

It’s frustrating. It’s maddening. My husband is asleep, I am tired and the baby is awake and ready to play. Who am I going to be mad at for this? No one. Not the baby’s fault. I just wish there were more of me. One to play with the baby, one to sleep and one to do work. You think life was hard before a kid? Try adding in another full time job. A full time job you love. A full time time job at which you need to rock.

 

It’s hard. But it’s worth it. It’s super awesome great. One of the best things I’ve ever done. I’d write more, but  is now climbing up a stereo tower. I’ll finish be explaining how I finished my work last night. He went to sleep. Despite my level of exhaustion, I worked furiously until 2am to finish my work. I did everything except work for one class, which I just finished. I was able to finish work tonight because my husband stayed up later than usual.

This took three days to write.

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