Toddler Intelligence

Toddlers are smart. It’s like they have a built in mechanism to push your but so far before they get all cute and you get all melty. Babies are automatically, evolutionarily cute. Who is going to eat something with such big eyes? But Toddlers? A wolf would eat one of those no problem. So, in defense, toddlers got smarter.

Let’s say, for example, you’re a toddler showering with your mom. It’s relaxing, it’s fun, you like the water. Let’s say she decides, without consulting you, that the shower is over. You, of course, are livid. You lash out. You, duh, try to scratch her face. You are thwarted beause clever Mama has clipped your nails. This infuriates you. You demand to be put down. Now Mama has wrapped you oh-so-lovingly in a towel, but you are not to be appeased. You thrash and howl and demand to. Be. Put. Down. Now! You want to slip and slide on the shower floor. That’s exciting. Sure, you might fall and crack your head open , but safety is for babies. Eff that noise! Again, your attempts at a good time are rebuffed and she only puts you down on the bath mat. You gave her little choice with your slippery little body trying to throw yourself head first out of her arms. Meanwhile, she’s naked and freezing, cause far be it for her to wrap up in a towel when you aren’t dressed yet.

(She could’ve taken the time to put on underwear, but last time she did that you peed on the floor. You didn’t think it was a big deal yourself, but she no puts on her underwear before she puts on your “underwear.”)

Phew! Finally you are down. You wriggle out of your towel and walk around a bit. You try to spin the toilet paper out of control in that special way you do, but Mama, the fun killer, picks you up and begins to put a diaper on you. What?! Diaper? When you could be walking around flapping in the breeze? No thank you, Captain Never lets Me Do Anything Awesome. So you kick and moan and make her life miserable. Not cause you don’t love her, you do, but come on, naked time is so great! Why is she ruining it? Then you look at her. She’s about to lose her mind. She’s breathing all crazy and her mouth is pursed into a weird straight line. May-Day! May-Day!

Luckily, you’re a toddler and at some training school or innate sense of danger managemaent has taught you how to deal with this situation. You smile. You stop your devilish squirming and reach your wee little hands out to her. You snuggle in and ask for Babas. You two lay on the bed and you nurse. The food is delicious, (all that mischief, who wouldn’t be famished?) and you are a bit tired. Mommy calms down instantly and you snuggle in like a champ. Crisis averted.

 

See? Toddlers are geniuses. Nursing release calming, happy, loving hormones that prevent crazy actions you’d regret later. It puts toddlers to sleep. And they are still so very cute. And they can hug you back now. And their smiles? Melty. Just in the nick of time, they stave off impending doom with teh cute. Thank God they are to small to run for office.

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Catching Up

So. October is here and autumn is upon us. I have a love/hate relationship with this time of year. It’s colder, but not freezing yet, which is good. School has started which is kind of lame, but also exciting. New TV season begins, which is great, but also means I want to watch more TV. Football is in full swing, which I love, but baseball is approaching play-offs which means the husband will be staying up too late.

All in all however, I like Fall. I like new boots and the crisp air and the reflection of it all. That said, let’s take stock, shall we?

The baby is doing marvelously. He is growing like a proverbial weed. He is tall and healthy and keeps outgrowing shoes. He loves to dance. He does a full-body shake thing that is adorable. He is normally pretty happy, but does have a temper when he doesn’t get his way. When this happens, watch out! He will grab at your face. It’s not so bad when his nails are cut, but when his nails are long it is a killer. He loves to play. He likes his puppy toy the best. He loves real dogs a ton. When he sees a dog outside, on TV or in a book he points to it and screams, “Dah-dah!!” It’s cute, but if you’re in Duane Reade, it can be embarrassing.  He is a good walker, says a few words, (mama, Da-da, sometimes duck, maybe?) plays with everything. He maes everything into a phone to talk on, and conducts business. Bowls and pots are still aces in his book. He is still a night-owl. He sometimes gets shy around other kids and dos not like it when people shout. It freaks him out.

Today we went to my friend K’s house. Her little boy is a few months older than Scooba. Her son was being friendly and would shout at Scooba, “Bubbles!” Scooba looked startled and ran to me to pick him up, please. He can now hug and kiss and is learning to blow kisses. It is adorable. He claps, but he’s been doing that for a few months now. He high-fives, which people love, and shakes hands which I find darling.

He still loves the park, but is less about the swings now. He likes to explore all over the park now. Favorite songs are still Old MacDonald and This Old Man, but he also loves Mi Cuerpo and the ABCs. Also I’m a Little Froggy. He did great when we visited San Diego and let my brother hold him for extended periods. Loves to play chase. Is eating lots of solid foods. Beans and lentils are a big hit. He loves fruit, especially strawberries and watermelon.

Me? I am tired. I am taking night courses and get home around 10pm one night a week. It’s good because Husband has one night a week where he is the guy doing everything. It’s good that he gets the one-on-one time with the baby.I’m back at work which is pretty good. Exhausting and busy, but fulfilling. I’m loving twitter.

TTC? Maybe Baby?

That was me two and a half years ago, Was I sure I wanted a kid? They cry. They poo. I’ve seen them on buses raising hell. I’ve had them in class talking back to me. Eh. Was I over it?

 

Shout-out to people who are thinking about having children. I want to share with them what no one told me. Not a secret, exactly, more of a mind-set that I didn’t know you needed. I really wanted kids and understood they would take sacrifice. I thought it meant buying a kid new shoes instead of myself. And it does mean that. (Boy does it. My kid outgrows shoes like nobody’s business.)

 

But it also means re-arranging your priorities and options. Last night I needed to do work. I had work for my job and for two classes I am taking. Two years ago it would have been a pain, but I could have done it pretty easily. Yes, I would have procrastinated, but eventually I would have done it. With a toddler?

Such a different story. He is looking at me. He is smiling. I am pleading with him to go to sleep and he is cracking up. He figures it’s some kind of game because I am Mommy and I am always coming up with awesome games. I keep replaying in my mind all the work I have to do and how long it will take me. But he’s looking at me. He has 8 teeth and is smiling and looking at me. But I have to work. And yet there he is in his black, made in New York onesie. His curly head is nodding wildly.

 

It’s frustrating. It’s maddening. My husband is asleep, I am tired and the baby is awake and ready to play. Who am I going to be mad at for this? No one. Not the baby’s fault. I just wish there were more of me. One to play with the baby, one to sleep and one to do work. You think life was hard before a kid? Try adding in another full time job. A full time job you love. A full time time job at which you need to rock.

 

It’s hard. But it’s worth it. It’s super awesome great. One of the best things I’ve ever done. I’d write more, but  is now climbing up a stereo tower. I’ll finish be explaining how I finished my work last night. He went to sleep. Despite my level of exhaustion, I worked furiously until 2am to finish my work. I did everything except work for one class, which I just finished. I was able to finish work tonight because my husband stayed up later than usual.

This took three days to write.

Catching Up

So. September is drawing to a close and autumn is upon us. I have a love/hate relationship with this time of year. It’s colder, but not freezing yet, which is good. School has started which is kind of lame, but also exciting. New TV season begins, which is great, but also means I want to watch more TV. Football is in full swing, which I love, but baseball is approaching play-ofs which means the husband will be staying up too late.

All in all however, I like Fall. I like new boots and the crisp air and the reflection of it all. That said, let’s take stock, shall we?

The baby is doing marvelously. He is growing like a proverbial weed. He is tall and healthy and keeps outgrowing shoes. He loves to dance. He does a full-body shake thing that is adorable. He is normally pretty happy, but does have a temper when he doesn’t get his way. When this happens, watch out! He will grab at your face. It’s not so bad when his nails are cut, but when his nails are long it is a killer. He loves to play. He likes his puppy toy the best. He loves real dogs a ton. When he sees a dog outside, on TV or in a book he points to it and screams, “Dah-dah!!” It’s cute, but if you’re in Duane Reade, it can be embarrassing.  He is a good walker, says a few words, (mama, Da-da, sometimes duck, maybe?) plays with everything. He maes everything into a phone to talk on, and conducts business. Bowls and pots are still aces in his book. He is still a night-owl. He sometimes gets shy around other kids and dos not like it when people shout. It freaks him out.

Today we went to my friend K’s house. Her little boy is a few months older than Scooba. Her son was being friendly and would shout at Scooba, “Bubbles!” Scooba looked startled and ran to me to pick him up, please. He can now hug and kiss and is learning to blow kisses. It is adorable.

He still loves the park, but is less about the swings now. He likes to explore all over the park now. Favorite songs are still Old MacDonald and This Old Man, but he also loves Mi Cuerpo and the ABCs. Also I’m a Little Froggy. He did great when we visited San Diego and let my brother hold him for extended periods. Loves to play chase. Is eating lots of solid foods. Beans and lentils are a big hit. He loves fruit, especially strawberries and watermelon.

Me? I am tired. I am taking night courses and get home around 10pm one night a week. It’s good because Husband has one night a week where he is the guy doing everything. It’s good that he gets the one-on-one time with the baby.I’m back at work which is pretty good. Exhausting and busy, but fulfilling. I’m loving twitter.

Aak!

Catch-Up Post:

So stressed. Went back to work. Last week I cleaned and organized hundreds of books. They are categorized by genre, author, level and/or stereotype. (Books for guys who like sports. Or Vampire books.) Is vampire a genre? Anyway, it took forever, but it is done.

Back to School:

Today was the first official day for teachers. I couldn’t sleep last night. Thursday is the first day for the kids. It feels weird not to be getting a classroom ready. I am usually getting my first day speech ready and planning a super cool awesome ice-breker. My favorite? Two truths and a lie.

The baby is back with his nanny. Things are going well so far on that front. I was gone all day today. I didn’t get home until 9:45. Oh, also I am in school at night. More on that later. And also, it poured today. Poured. I was soaked when I finally arrived in class. Soaked. My hair kept dripping on my papers. At least is wasn’t too cold temperature wise, though. On the way home it was cold and rainy. Gross.

I feel all hyper. I should be asleep, but I have all this stuff I want to say to the new teachers. I’m all frantic.I really missed my co-workers. When I am at work though, I really miss the baby. I’m sure the sad will decrease as we get further into the year.

Hurricane:

The hurricane was not so bad. A little rain. I packed a go bag for nothin’. {kicks rocks}But we’re all safe, so there’s that. We ended up helping out at a shelter for people who had been evacuated which was fun.

 

You wanna know something gross? We ordered fresh direct and in our spinach is a live moth. That’s sick, right? I know. Crazy gross.

Nakedness


I’m going to start with the nakedness. We’ll call it the state of nakedness in parks. Public parks. Little Naked in the Big City. Lately I’ve been living in Central Park.

They have this fantastical program called Sandbox Music. (Shout out to NYC Taught me blog for the heads up.) Music is played for children at playgrounds through out Central Park. It’s a nice, free way to be outside and since there are little water features in the playgrounds, it’s also a nice way to cool off, too.

So yesterday? I was in the park. Fine. I’m feeding Scooba when I see this dad wrangle his kid. I burst into laughter because said kid is butt-ass naked. Just flapping in the breeze naked. it’s funny. I didn’t see him remove his clothing and evidently, neither did his father. So Dad is trying to at least get his underwear and shorts on him. I laughed a good laugh and continued to feed my son. Kid got hot. No big. Dad fixed.

You might be asking yourself, “Is that the naked? Big whoop. Disappointing, Harlem Mommy.” Let me finish. I look up three minutes later, and a completely different kid is naked. And no one is trying to clothe him. He is maybe 3 and just playing around the park naked. Nakedly? His mom even let him go down the slide. I’m not a prude. Kids are playing outside in just shorts. Just diapers. They’re kids. But naked? Is this okay? How old is too old for public nudity? How young is too young?

I know in Europe kids run around naked and it’s no big deal. Maybe this was a mom’s way of Europeanizing a little slice of the park. What’s funny is no one batted an eye. But I can’t have been the only one that noticed, right? So now I’m wondering what we’d do if Scooba wanted to play naked. Forbid it? Only at home? What’s the official party line on nudity? Right now, we all get naked in front of each other. I imagine at 5 I’ll have to cover up more? 7? Does Husband just get to be naked when ever? That sounds unfair, but I’ll get the naked whenever privileges with a girl, hopefully.   Or maybe we’ll just be the naked family that’s super cool with nudity. We only put on clothes for company. Hmm. Whatevs. I guess we’ll see. Since Scooba isn’t potty trained yet, we’ll at least keep him diapered. In a year or so though, that naked kid you see could be mine.  Is that cool with you?

The Stinker’s Stash

Phew. Sigh. It’s all I can do. I have to laugh. And breathe. I have spent the last hour frantically searching for my phone. I can not lose another phone. I just can’t. It would be too humiliating. Right now I have a very basic, no camera, no email, no google maps phone. Why? Because I lost my iphone. Lost it in the house mind you. And it looked like it was happening again.

I know I had my phone. I checked a text on it. (Which, BTW, takes forever on this phone.) Then we came in the house. There are my keys, but where is my phone. The same thought keep circling around my head: I can’t lose another phone. I can’t lose all my phone numbers…again. What will I tell Husband? How dumb am I gonna look? Of course, when you look for stuff you have to clean up. Is it under the puzzle? No, but to check I have to put away the puzzle. So the living room has lots of toys out and about. Lots of noisy toys.

So I am trying to clean and look ever so quietly so as not to disturb the sleeping baby. Still nothing. I’ve re-traced my steps. The living room is now clean. Still no phone. I check all of my pockets. I check underneath all of the furniture. Still nothing. I’m startig to figure out if it’s worth it to buy a new phone or just wait and penance for my carelessness. Then I remember the baby. The sweet, toddling, cherubic soul who has a penchant for picking up items and laying them down somewhere else.

Where would he put a phone? I have to think like a baby. I get low, because I want to see the world from his vantage point. The towers? Nothing. Where does he like to go? The kitchen. I purposefully stride into the kitchen afraid to hope and preparing myself for more disappointment. I open his favorite cabinet (Lower cabinet, full of pots and pans) and find my phone nestled in a pot.

Phew. I have to laugh.

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