Toddler Intelligence

Toddlers are smart. It’s like they have a built in mechanism to push your but so far before they get all cute and you get all melty. Babies are automatically, evolutionarily cute. Who is going to eat something with such big eyes? But Toddlers? A wolf would eat one of those no problem. So, in defense, toddlers got smarter.

Let’s say, for example, you’re a toddler showering with your mom. It’s relaxing, it’s fun, you like the water. Let’s say she decides, without consulting you, that the shower is over. You, of course, are livid. You lash out. You, duh, try to scratch her face. You are thwarted beause clever Mama has clipped your nails. This infuriates you. You demand to be put down. Now Mama has wrapped you oh-so-lovingly in a towel, but you are not to be appeased. You thrash and howl and demand to. Be. Put. Down. Now! You want to slip and slide on the shower floor. That’s exciting. Sure, you might fall and crack your head open , but safety is for babies. Eff that noise! Again, your attempts at a good time are rebuffed and she only puts you down on the bath mat. You gave her little choice with your slippery little body trying to throw yourself head first out of her arms. Meanwhile, she’s naked and freezing, cause far be it for her to wrap up in a towel when you aren’t dressed yet.

(She could’ve taken the time to put on underwear, but last time she did that you peed on the floor. You didn’t think it was a big deal yourself, but she no puts on her underwear before she puts on your “underwear.”)

Phew! Finally you are down. You wriggle out of your towel and walk around a bit. You try to spin the toilet paper out of control in that special way you do, but Mama, the fun killer, picks you up and begins to put a diaper on you. What?! Diaper? When you could be walking around flapping in the breeze? No thank you, Captain Never lets Me Do Anything Awesome. So you kick and moan and make her life miserable. Not cause you don’t love her, you do, but come on, naked time is so great! Why is she ruining it? Then you look at her. She’s about to lose her mind. She’s breathing all crazy and her mouth is pursed into a weird straight line. May-Day! May-Day!

Luckily, you’re a toddler and at some training school or innate sense of danger managemaent has taught you how to deal with this situation. You smile. You stop your devilish squirming and reach your wee little hands out to her. You snuggle in and ask for Babas. You two lay on the bed and you nurse. The food is delicious, (all that mischief, who wouldn’t be famished?) and you are a bit tired. Mommy calms down instantly and you snuggle in like a champ. Crisis averted.

 

See? Toddlers are geniuses. Nursing release calming, happy, loving hormones that prevent crazy actions you’d regret later. It puts toddlers to sleep. And they are still so very cute. And they can hug you back now. And their smiles? Melty. Just in the nick of time, they stave off impending doom with teh cute. Thank God they are to small to run for office.

Catching Up

So. October is here and autumn is upon us. I have a love/hate relationship with this time of year. It’s colder, but not freezing yet, which is good. School has started which is kind of lame, but also exciting. New TV season begins, which is great, but also means I want to watch more TV. Football is in full swing, which I love, but baseball is approaching play-offs which means the husband will be staying up too late.

All in all however, I like Fall. I like new boots and the crisp air and the reflection of it all. That said, let’s take stock, shall we?

The baby is doing marvelously. He is growing like a proverbial weed. He is tall and healthy and keeps outgrowing shoes. He loves to dance. He does a full-body shake thing that is adorable. He is normally pretty happy, but does have a temper when he doesn’t get his way. When this happens, watch out! He will grab at your face. It’s not so bad when his nails are cut, but when his nails are long it is a killer. He loves to play. He likes his puppy toy the best. He loves real dogs a ton. When he sees a dog outside, on TV or in a book he points to it and screams, “Dah-dah!!” It’s cute, but if you’re in Duane Reade, it can be embarrassing.  He is a good walker, says a few words, (mama, Da-da, sometimes duck, maybe?) plays with everything. He maes everything into a phone to talk on, and conducts business. Bowls and pots are still aces in his book. He is still a night-owl. He sometimes gets shy around other kids and dos not like it when people shout. It freaks him out.

Today we went to my friend K’s house. Her little boy is a few months older than Scooba. Her son was being friendly and would shout at Scooba, “Bubbles!” Scooba looked startled and ran to me to pick him up, please. He can now hug and kiss and is learning to blow kisses. It is adorable. He claps, but he’s been doing that for a few months now. He high-fives, which people love, and shakes hands which I find darling.

He still loves the park, but is less about the swings now. He likes to explore all over the park now. Favorite songs are still Old MacDonald and This Old Man, but he also loves Mi Cuerpo and the ABCs. Also I’m a Little Froggy. He did great when we visited San Diego and let my brother hold him for extended periods. Loves to play chase. Is eating lots of solid foods. Beans and lentils are a big hit. He loves fruit, especially strawberries and watermelon.

Me? I am tired. I am taking night courses and get home around 10pm one night a week. It’s good because Husband has one night a week where he is the guy doing everything. It’s good that he gets the one-on-one time with the baby.I’m back at work which is pretty good. Exhausting and busy, but fulfilling. I’m loving twitter.

TTC? Maybe Baby?

That was me two and a half years ago, Was I sure I wanted a kid? They cry. They poo. I’ve seen them on buses raising hell. I’ve had them in class talking back to me. Eh. Was I over it?

 

Shout-out to people who are thinking about having children. I want to share with them what no one told me. Not a secret, exactly, more of a mind-set that I didn’t know you needed. I really wanted kids and understood they would take sacrifice. I thought it meant buying a kid new shoes instead of myself. And it does mean that. (Boy does it. My kid outgrows shoes like nobody’s business.)

 

But it also means re-arranging your priorities and options. Last night I needed to do work. I had work for my job and for two classes I am taking. Two years ago it would have been a pain, but I could have done it pretty easily. Yes, I would have procrastinated, but eventually I would have done it. With a toddler?

Such a different story. He is looking at me. He is smiling. I am pleading with him to go to sleep and he is cracking up. He figures it’s some kind of game because I am Mommy and I am always coming up with awesome games. I keep replaying in my mind all the work I have to do and how long it will take me. But he’s looking at me. He has 8 teeth and is smiling and looking at me. But I have to work. And yet there he is in his black, made in New York onesie. His curly head is nodding wildly.

 

It’s frustrating. It’s maddening. My husband is asleep, I am tired and the baby is awake and ready to play. Who am I going to be mad at for this? No one. Not the baby’s fault. I just wish there were more of me. One to play with the baby, one to sleep and one to do work. You think life was hard before a kid? Try adding in another full time job. A full time job you love. A full time time job at which you need to rock.

 

It’s hard. But it’s worth it. It’s super awesome great. One of the best things I’ve ever done. I’d write more, but  is now climbing up a stereo tower. I’ll finish be explaining how I finished my work last night. He went to sleep. Despite my level of exhaustion, I worked furiously until 2am to finish my work. I did everything except work for one class, which I just finished. I was able to finish work tonight because my husband stayed up later than usual.

This took three days to write.

Catching Up

So. September is drawing to a close and autumn is upon us. I have a love/hate relationship with this time of year. It’s colder, but not freezing yet, which is good. School has started which is kind of lame, but also exciting. New TV season begins, which is great, but also means I want to watch more TV. Football is in full swing, which I love, but baseball is approaching play-ofs which means the husband will be staying up too late.

All in all however, I like Fall. I like new boots and the crisp air and the reflection of it all. That said, let’s take stock, shall we?

The baby is doing marvelously. He is growing like a proverbial weed. He is tall and healthy and keeps outgrowing shoes. He loves to dance. He does a full-body shake thing that is adorable. He is normally pretty happy, but does have a temper when he doesn’t get his way. When this happens, watch out! He will grab at your face. It’s not so bad when his nails are cut, but when his nails are long it is a killer. He loves to play. He likes his puppy toy the best. He loves real dogs a ton. When he sees a dog outside, on TV or in a book he points to it and screams, “Dah-dah!!” It’s cute, but if you’re in Duane Reade, it can be embarrassing.  He is a good walker, says a few words, (mama, Da-da, sometimes duck, maybe?) plays with everything. He maes everything into a phone to talk on, and conducts business. Bowls and pots are still aces in his book. He is still a night-owl. He sometimes gets shy around other kids and dos not like it when people shout. It freaks him out.

Today we went to my friend K’s house. Her little boy is a few months older than Scooba. Her son was being friendly and would shout at Scooba, “Bubbles!” Scooba looked startled and ran to me to pick him up, please. He can now hug and kiss and is learning to blow kisses. It is adorable.

He still loves the park, but is less about the swings now. He likes to explore all over the park now. Favorite songs are still Old MacDonald and This Old Man, but he also loves Mi Cuerpo and the ABCs. Also I’m a Little Froggy. He did great when we visited San Diego and let my brother hold him for extended periods. Loves to play chase. Is eating lots of solid foods. Beans and lentils are a big hit. He loves fruit, especially strawberries and watermelon.

Me? I am tired. I am taking night courses and get home around 10pm one night a week. It’s good because Husband has one night a week where he is the guy doing everything. It’s good that he gets the one-on-one time with the baby.I’m back at work which is pretty good. Exhausting and busy, but fulfilling. I’m loving twitter.

Aak!

Catch-Up Post:

So stressed. Went back to work. Last week I cleaned and organized hundreds of books. They are categorized by genre, author, level and/or stereotype. (Books for guys who like sports. Or Vampire books.) Is vampire a genre? Anyway, it took forever, but it is done.

Back to School:

Today was the first official day for teachers. I couldn’t sleep last night. Thursday is the first day for the kids. It feels weird not to be getting a classroom ready. I am usually getting my first day speech ready and planning a super cool awesome ice-breker. My favorite? Two truths and a lie.

The baby is back with his nanny. Things are going well so far on that front. I was gone all day today. I didn’t get home until 9:45. Oh, also I am in school at night. More on that later. And also, it poured today. Poured. I was soaked when I finally arrived in class. Soaked. My hair kept dripping on my papers. At least is wasn’t too cold temperature wise, though. On the way home it was cold and rainy. Gross.

I feel all hyper. I should be asleep, but I have all this stuff I want to say to the new teachers. I’m all frantic.I really missed my co-workers. When I am at work though, I really miss the baby. I’m sure the sad will decrease as we get further into the year.

Hurricane:

The hurricane was not so bad. A little rain. I packed a go bag for nothin’. {kicks rocks}But we’re all safe, so there’s that. We ended up helping out at a shelter for people who had been evacuated which was fun.

 

You wanna know something gross? We ordered fresh direct and in our spinach is a live moth. That’s sick, right? I know. Crazy gross.

Nakedness

I’m going to start with the nakedness. We’ll call it the state of nakedness in parks. Public parks. Little Naked in the Big City. Lately I’ve been living in Central Park.

They have this fantastical program called Sandbox Music. (Shout out to NYC Taught me blog for the heads up.) Music is played for children at playgrounds through out Central Park. It’s a nice, free way to be outside and since there are little water features in the playgrounds, it’s also a nice way to cool off, too.

So yesterday? I was in the park. Fine. I’m feeding Scooba when I see this dad wrangle his kid. I burst into laughter because said kid is butt-ass naked. Just flapping in the breeze naked. it’s funny. I didn’t see him remove his clothing and evidently, neither did his father. So Dad is trying to at least get his underwear and shorts on him. I laughed a good laugh and continued to feed my son. Kid got hot. No big. Dad fixed.

You might be asking yourself, “Is that the naked? Big whoop. Disappointing, Harlem Mommy.” Let me finish. I look up three minutes later, and a completely different kid is naked. And no one is trying to clothe him. He is maybe 3 and just playing around the park naked. Nakedly? His mom even let him go down the slide. I’m not a prude. Kids are playing outside in just shorts. Just diapers. They’re kids. But naked? Is this okay? How old is too old for public nudity? How young is too young?

I know in Europe kids run around naked and it’s no big deal. Maybe this was a mom’s way of Europeanizing a little slice of the park. What’s funny is no one batted an eye. But I can’t have been the only one that noticed, right? So now I’m wondering what we’d do if Scooba wanted to play naked. Forbid it? Only at home? What’s the official party line on nudity? Right now, we all get naked in front of each other. I imagine at 5 I’ll have to cover up more? 7? Does Husband just get to be naked when ever? That sounds unfair, but I’ll get the naked whenever privileges with a girl, hopefully.   Or maybe we’ll just be the naked family that’s super cool with nudity. We only put on clothes for company. Hmm. Whatevs. I guess we’ll see. Since Scooba isn’t potty trained yet, we’ll at least keep him diapered. In a year or so though, that naked kid you see could be mine.  Is that cool with you?

The Stinker’s Stash

Phew. Sigh. It’s all I can do. I have to laugh. And breathe. I have spent the last hour frantically searching for my phone. I can not lose another phone. I just can’t. It would be too humiliating. Right now I have a very basic, no camera, no email, no google maps phone. Why? Because I lost my iphone. Lost it in the house mind you. And it looked like it was happening again.

I know I had my phone. I checked a text on it. (Which, BTW, takes forever on this phone.) Then we came in the house. There are my keys, but where is my phone. The same thought keep circling around my head: I can’t lose another phone. I can’t lose all my phone numbers…again. What will I tell Husband? How dumb am I gonna look? Of course, when you look for stuff you have to clean up. Is it under the puzzle? No, but to check I have to put away the puzzle. So the living room has lots of toys out and about. Lots of noisy toys.

So I am trying to clean and look ever so quietly so as not to disturb the sleeping baby. Still nothing. I’ve re-traced my steps. The living room is now clean. Still no phone. I check all of my pockets. I check underneath all of the furniture. Still nothing. I’m startig to figure out if it’s worth it to buy a new phone or just wait and penance for my carelessness. Then I remember the baby. The sweet, toddling, cherubic soul who has a penchant for picking up items and laying them down somewhere else.

Where would he put a phone? I have to think like a baby. I get low, because I want to see the world from his vantage point. The towers? Nothing. Where does he like to go? The kitchen. I purposefully stride into the kitchen afraid to hope and preparing myself for more disappointment. I open his favorite cabinet (Lower cabinet, full of pots and pans) and find my phone nestled in a pot.

Phew. I have to laugh.

Flying Baby

Air travel is a butt-kicker. Even the best of flights is still just trying to get from point a to point b. With a baby? Sigh. .It has it’s ups and downs. we just got back from the beach and had a not so great flight with the baby.

So far the kid has flown to Atlanta, San Diego (twice) Boston, Arizona and St. Thomas. He did Atlanta at three months. He’s been preety ideal on these flights. I did the first San Diego flight alone when he was five months. I was terrified. Flying is hard. The waiting, the uncomfortable seats, the air quality, etc. But my grandmother had never seen the baby. She wasn’t really in position to fly so my broter graciously offered to fly us out there. I had so. much. stuff. Stroller, carseat, diapers. Ugh. In the end though, he was great. He nursed throughout the flight, bus especially upon landing and take-off. He slept. When he was fussy I had toys at the ready or i would just sing. About five hours in I was ready for the flight to be over and so was he, but we landed soon after that. The bonuses were a changing table in the lavatory and I din’ drink much water so I did nto have to use the facillities myself. By the end of the flight people commented ow well behaved my son was. Winning!

Fast forward to this trip.

Yay! We're flying!

We arrived on time (early even!) to be told there would be a three hour delay. Scooba was awesome. He played, walked around, snacked and slept. Ideal kid. The departing flight was fine. He slept a little, nursed at take-off and landing and slept a bit more. The car trip was a night mare, but we made it.

Flight home? Ugh. He was the kid you dread having on the airplane. As we began our descent, he started o cry. Looking back, he was probably teething, but at the time I was at a loss as to what would help. We tried to nurse.

He cried.

We tried to sing.

He cried.

We bounced and explained what was happening.

He cried and cried.

Then a man across the aisle started making silly faces at him and gave him a thumbs up sign. This was met with a smile and a baby thumbs up sign.

Then after five minutes, he cried.

Now, the cry wasn’t a piercing scream, but it was a decidedly unhappy sound. No tears, but kind of a wailing thing. We tried to nurse agin. Still nothing. We couldn’t get up and walk him because we were landing. Landing takes forever. I felt like that mom. The mom that’s judged. “Why can’t she take care of her kid? She should have prepared better for this.”

“This is why Malaysia Air won’t let babies fly first class!”

“Babies shouldn’t fly!”

I got super hot and was about to cry myself. Husband wasn’t super helpful. I’m going through all these changes and he’s just kind of looking at me. I ask him (kindly? tersely?) with my teeth clenched to do something. He replies, that I’ve done what he would have done. My arm clenches and I can feel my eyes begin to burn. “Well, we have to do something!”

Then he stopped crying. For no reason. Then we landed and then he was in a great mood again.

Lesson? I don’t know, man. You never know? Kids change just like adults do? Even awesome babies have bad days? Probably that last one. Scooba was good in the car ride home and is a great sleeper. So, meh. Vacation was fantastic. I am sorry to those people on the flight though. I did what I could people. And Scooba will be a very good worker to support your Social Security needs in the future.

Bahs-Tun

My kid is super cool. How cool? He went to the Bruins parade, fell asleep and woke up when the Stanley cup came by and began clapping.

 

We went to the city of my husband’s birth for a wedding. We had a good time. We went in the hotel pool and the baby swam for the first time. He was great in the water. I LOVE the water and Scooba is good in the bath, so I anticipated a good time. He got hungry halfway through the swim, so we got out and had a snack.  The Bruins parade as fun. Husband is a hockey fan, so he was psyched we were in the city for the parade. There were a million people, but most of them were polite-ish.

The wedding was a blast. The baby (toddler?) was terrific on the train and a good time was had by all. It is summertime in Gotham City and I am ready for it. I am off for the summer so we will be tearing the city up. Playgroups, stroytimes, swim classes, museums…the city is ours. I’m thinking about starting a meet-up group for moms who can hang-out during the week. I keep herring people saying they have a moms group, and I want one.

Where do people get these mom groups? Are you in one? Did you start it yourself or hear about it? I need some mommy friends. Hook a sista up.

My Boy Likes to Party all the Time, Party all the Time, Party all the Tiii-iime!

Oh, you don’t remember Eddie Murphy’s album? Nevermind.

We made it. Not only is our son one, but we’ve even had a party to celebrate. It took much planning, several really, really good friends, my mom and a permit, but we even had a good time at the party.

So, we packed party stuff the night before. We planned on two shifts to take supplies and food to the park. The day of however, Husband gets antsy and wants to get there even earlier. So he takes one bin of supplies- (tablecloths, bottles of water, blankets, etc) with him to the park. Great.

I was worried about food. I didn’t want anything to spoil, so I would go at the last miute with the food. My mom, who is super awesome and a trroper, graciosly helped me cut up fruit for the fruit salad that morning, and helped me wrangle our new little toddler. So mom went with my vert good friend, and the baby’s Godmother to the park. They took a little bit of food, toys and other miscellaneous items. As soon as Mom left, the baby fell asleep. He’s wearing a onesie, a wet diaper (I was just about to change him.) and he passes out. Oh. Okay.

I can’t wake him up. He’s a beast when he’s sleepy. I needed a happy kid today, not the growling, thrahing tiger he’s been known to become when overtired. So I let him sleep. Manwhile, he wasn’t dressed, I still had to gather the candle, matches, sunglasses for Husband, shoes for me and the baby…

So he sleeps. Husband and I had been calling each other all afternoon, and when I told him our little friend was out like a light, he had very good advice. “Well, just put him down and relax awhile.” So I did. I gathered what I needed and then just kinda chilled. People I trusted were at the park setting up, my very good, kind friemds were on theri way to take me to the park, and my kid was sleeping so he’s be freash as a daisy for the party. I was like the kid from Mad Magazine, “What me worry.”

You know how life is sometimes so magnificet and works out unexpectedly? Well, my friend comes to get me, I’m about to load the car, and Scooba wakes up. Just like that. He wakes up happy and smiling. Yay. We leave. He’s happy in the car. Yay,

People arrive. They like the food. We’ve laid out blankets with toys on the grass and babies play with them. We have beach balls and bubbles going. A football is being thrown by some older party guests. Mingling is happening. Before I know it, it’s time for cake. I am sure Scooba will cry, but instead he is frantically grabbing for my boob. I try to convince him to wait. His actions indicate he is not one to negoeciate. Luckily, when the singing starts, he is distracted. He enjoys the singing and just looks around at the sea of faces. Then we blow out the candle. People eat cake, he eats boob. The picture of the kid with frosting smeared n his face? No go. We gave him some cake, but he just ate it. He’s much messier with yogurt.

We clean up. My mother0in-law and Mom really taking the lead there, thankfully. We figure out how we;re going to get everything back,(once againg getting by with a little help from our friends) and are home within 10 miutes. Our family comes back to the house to hang out for a while and we open presents. Scooba took a good nap and then played with some ribbon. He got a good haul which included some sorely needed bath toys. Woe betide the bather who bathes the baby without bath toys.

He’s happy, we’re happy, guests were happy. No huge incidents, kids LOVED the party bags and also the bubbles. It was amazing seeing people and feeling loved. Our son made it one whole year and we didn’t break him. Although, Husband threw him on the bed and I scolded him saying, “Great, you broke the baby.”

“Well, that sucks. He’s only got a one year warranty and that just expired.”

“Isn’t that always the way?”

It’s funny, cause now that he’s into everything, our triumphant “We did it!” attitude is quickly being replaced with, “Oh crap, he’s…”

And he bit me today. He bit me. Why? Because I flipped him off? Because I called him a mean name? Did I trip him? No. I wouldn’t let him play with scissors. My bad, son. No wonder you bit me, you did what you had to do. Bite the mother who. Feeds. You. Every. Day.

Year 2 has begun.